Katya's Story
In order to truly understand the frightening experience we went through in October of 2008, you will need to read our story from the beginning to the end. Each email was written at the time it was actually happening. Our current situation is that we now have guardianship of Katya, she is living with us at home in Kiev, and we have started the one year long adoption process. Click the links in order to read each section of Katya's story.
Day One - Taken Away
October 7, 2008
This email includes:
- Social Services and the KGB
- A Plea for Help
- Jubilation
- Hopes Are Dashed; - More Disappointment
- Ludmilla's Comfort; - Acceptance and Gratitude
- Goodbyes; - What Now?
- Post Script (PS)
It was a long and very emotional day. And at the end of it all, Katya is
back in the orphanage -- without me.
SOCIAL SERVICES AND THE KGB
We left at 7:00 this morning and arrived home at 11:30 PM. We went to
Social Services in Chernigov and met up with the man who had
promised not to take Katya from us. A KGB agent came into the office
with him to listen to our meeting. We are sure he was there to make
sure there were no bribes or "under the table" arrangements. Therefore,
the Social Services man would basically only say over and over again
that they must follow the law, and since Katya was legally their child,
she must be put into the orphanage in Chernigov until we could attain
guardianship -- "It will probably only be for a month or two ... or a year
till you finish her adoption." Like THAT was a comfort!
Katya began wiping tears from behind her new glasses. We barely
understood the conversation that was taking place with the two
authorities and our lawyer's assistant, Ivan, because they were
speaking a lot of Ukrainian. Katya understood everything. She realized
before we did that things were NOT going well.
A PLEA FOR HELP
We talked to them honestly, telling them that whether or not the law
stated it, we were her parents after 3 1/2 years of living with her. Our
lawyer, Dima, is at a Christian lawyer's conference for the next two
weeks in Washington D.C. Not a good time for him to be gone in our
situation, but Ivan did a very good job of presenting everything. We
doubt the outcome would have been any different if Dima was there.
We pretty much pleaded for them to help us. They had noticed Katya's
tears and seemed to soften a bit. We asked if they could consider what
is best for the child -- but they maintained that they could not bend the
law. We asked if she could at least be placed in the orphanage in
Komorovka, where she came from. We explained that we have
relationships there.
They left to discuss this in a meeting with some other authorities. The
head guy came back an hour later without the KGB agent. This time he
seemed very cautious and said he didn't think it would work out. He
couldn't just give us permission in half a day, or people would think he
had taken a bribe. He said that it would take a minimum of 5 days for
him to procur the documents needed to transfer her out of their district
to Komorovka. He said that Katya could stay in the Chernigov
orphanage until then, and I could stay in a hotel nearby and visit her
whenever I wanted.
JUBILATION
We asked if we could do anything to help him gather the necessary
documents. The man was not mean or unkind. He was simply very
concerned about doing something that would put his job in jeopardy.
We understood that and tried to be supportive. He went out for another
meeting. He came back again and said that we had a chance at placing
her in Komorovka -- if we would do some of the legwork. So we climbed
in the van with a Social Services courier and drove to the village where
Katya's mother lives. They called ahead, and a state official had a
document typed up and stamped for us when we arrived. Back to
Chernigov and some different offices. After another hour of waiting, we
received permission to place Katya at Komorovka. We all whooped for
joy, because I was sure I could stay with her there.
HOPES ARE DASHED
We were wrong. When we got to Komorovka, the director talked only to
our lawyer and was extremely brief and curt and wouldn't give Mike or I
eye contact. He acted like he didn't even know us. People, I was furious
inside. And hurt? Oh my. I finally interrupted and said, "Victor, Katya
has a mama and papa now. We are not going to put her here alone."
"Katya is 11 yrs. old. She is old enough to stay by herself. And no, you
can't stay here. We don't have a place for you, and it is not legal."
"Can I stay in Komorovka somewhere?"
"I don't know. I have a meeting and can't talk anymore. Goodbye."
Might I mention that NOBODY was there to take Katya?? What were
we going to do? Just walk off and leave her standing there? Nobody was
there to show us where to take her -- where she was supposed to stay.
The only other adult in sight was a cleaning lady.
MORE DISAPPOINTMENT
We asked her to call Ludmilla (second in command and our good
friend.) Ludmilla rode her bicycle about a mile from her home to meet
us. We breathed a sigh of relief to see her ride in -- now we would get
somewhere. But we received another shock. Ludmilla was extremely
cool. She started listening to our explanation, but then interrupted, "I
know your situation very well. There is nothing we can do. We always
knew this time might come, when Katya would have to come back to
the orphanage."
"Ludmilla, we understand that we must leave her, but we are her parents
now. We would like Judy to stay with her."
"No, that won't be possible. It's against the law. Only children and
workers are allowed to stay."
"Then, Ludmilla, let me be a guest teacher. I can teach English every
day while I am here."
"Unfortunately, that is not possible -- only children and workers are
allowed to stay."
"Ludmilla, I know that you had an American group working here that left
just a week ago. My friend was with that group, and she stayed right
here on campus for two whole weeks."
"Yes, illegally, and we were afraid the whole time."
People, I was so, so, SO tempted to say something like, "After ALL we
and our friends in America have done to help this orphanage ... and this
is what we get when we need your help??" But I couldn't. And I didn't.
Because Ludmilla knows of our love for Christ, and I sensed His hand
stilling my tongue. We didn't raise our voices. We didn't make
demands. We didn't get nasty. We didn't beg. We couldn't. We knew it
would not be right. These people are protecting their jobs. We cannot
fault them for that. We discovered that they have been inspected
recently, and they honestly do feel like they are under a microscope.
Victor's meeting was with the governor of the region. The "gubernator". I
can't resist mentioning that word. It brought a moment of comic relief to
my stressful day.
I looked directly into Ludmilla's eyes and said, "Ludmilla, you know that
I trust you. And I believe that if there was something you could do to
help us in this situation, you would do it. Is there ANYWHERE I can
stay in Komorovka? Can I rent a hata (hut) or a room in somebody's
house?"
"Not that I know of."
We called Galina -- the other main leader of the orphanage. She couldn't
help, either.
LUDMILLA'S COMFORT
Katya was struggling with tears. Mike and I were fighting tears. Finally, I
asked to talk to Ludmilla alone. We stepped aside and I confided my
deepest fear -- that Katya's brother, Maxim, who we think still lives in
Komorovka, would find out she was there alone and take her away. I
burst into tears at this point, because this really is my deepest concern
about leaving her.
Ludmilla instantly became the Ludmilla I know, and her cool exterior
melted away. She enveloped me in a close hug and told me that she
completely understood my fear. She knows Maxim very well since he
just graduated in the spring. He is not a good boy. Katya never feels
safe around him. Ludmilla assured me that she and Galina are around
almost all the time, and that they would watch over Katya like she was
their own and make sure that she was safe. The other girls would be
with her, too. They would put Katya in the gorgeous new dorm with the
older girls.
Then Katya came over, and Ludmilla wrapped her in a hug. Katya wept.
Ludmilla comforted. (Ludmilla was like a mom to her. It had been very
hard for Ludmilla to let her go to us.) Ludmilla assured Katya that she
would watch over her constantly. I asked if Katya could live with her. No,
she couldn't, but she could visit. Katya spilled out her fears -- about
Maxim, about attending 5th grade there when she doesn't know how to
read or write in Ukrainian and barely speaks it anymore. She would feel
so stupid. She sobbed her heart out to Ludmilla.
ACCEPTANCE AND GRATITUDE
Then we calmed down and accepted the fact that Katya must stay
without me. We all felt grateful that at least she has Ludmilla there who
loves her. I had packed a bag with a few days of clothes just in case ...
and we took her to her room in the new dorm. You would not believe this
place. It is GORGEOUS! Mitsubishi Ukraine gutted an old dorm and
rebuilt it with rooms that hold only 2 or 3 girls in each. Each girl has her
own beautiful bed with drawers underneath, a bedside table, and their
own lovely desk. Katya is in a room with 2 other girls -- 8th graders. I
know one of them -- another Katya. And right across the hall is Jenya,
Sammie's best friend at the orphanage. I shed some more tears when
Jenya ran to hug me. She is 15 now and in the 9th grade -- her last year
at the orphanage. All the girls hugged Katya and welcomed her as we
unpacked her things.
There is a gorgeous kitchen in the hallway between Katya and Jenya's
rooms. There is a living room with leather sofas and a huge, flatscreen
TV (although they don't have an antenna, VCR, or DVD player ...! But it
sure is fancy looking! There are shelves with books and stuffed animals
for decoration. Each room is beautifuly painted in different colors
(Katya's room is light blue -- exactly the color I want to paint her room),
and the girls have decorated so nicely. All the rooms are spotless. They
take immaculate care of their new dorm.
We told Katya that she needed to think of this as going to camp. She
wouldn't be crying if she was going to camp. And we talked about the
fact that this is God's plan for now. She believed that, and knew she
must do her best to have a good attitude and to be a blessing. She
wants to try and read her Bible to her roommates. I know Katya. She
will talk to them freely about the Lord.
GOODBYES
Ludmilla wanted us to take Katya's coat home -- didn't want to chance it
being stolen or getting dirty. She took us over to her office where she
found a different coat in a box for Katya, a hat, and a couple shirts for
her to wear. I think she'd rather clothe Katya from their things rather
than chance having our things stolen.
Then it was time to say goodbye. We said our goodbyes to Ludmilla,
then Jenya came to the car with us. We hugged and prayed with Katya.
Hard moment. Then I hugged Jenya and said, "Jenya, this is your
sister. I want you to think of her as your little sister while she is here,
OK?"
"I will," Jenya said solemnly as she put her arm around Katya. They
started walking back to the dorm together.
We got in the car and Mike broke down right in front of Ivan and the
Social Services courier that had come with us. We know that Katya is
ok. She is safe. She is going to be well cared for. But it really, really
hurt to drive away from her.
We had to take the Social Services guy all the way back to Chernigov --
45 minutes out of our way one way, and drove back to Kiev. We got
back at around 11:30 PM.
WHAT NOW?
It is 3:30 AM now, but I couldn't sleep without alerting our prayer
warriors. Tomorrow we have the meeting to start the process of attaining
guardianship. We have no idea how long this will take. This morning,
Ivan was talking about a month ... but this afternoon we all were hoping
for a week. We have NO idea. We're still a little sore of heart over the
shock of being rejected at Komorovka, yet we trust that the Lord is in
control. We honestly believe that our relationship with Ludmilla is only
stronger after tonight. That is very important.
We will visit Katya on Saturday, and I will go with Doug Stoddard when
he visits on Monday. Doug goes every Monday, and one of Mike's
sophomores who actually grew up in an orphanage, is going to start
going with him each week. It will be his youth ministry practicum. Mike
is teaching modular classes for the next two weeks, so taking time to
do legal things is really going to stretch him thin. Please pray for him.
And now we ask for your prayers for tomorrow's meetings at 8:30 AM
our time. Please pray that God will give us an authority who really
cares ... and who might try to really help us expediate the process.
Since it is so late, I was going to try to write a letter without many
details. Probably some of you wish I would learn this talent so you
wouldn't have to read all of them! But this email is going to our families
and close friends, and it is the only way they will hear what happened
and why Katya is now in the orphanage after we were promised that she
would not be taken from us. We won't have time to make phone calls.
So, thanks for bearing with the details.
POST SCRIPT (PS)
I just sat in Katya's empty bed for a bit and prayed for her, hoping she is
warm and sleeping soundly in her bed in the orphanage. My heart
broke. It reminds me so much of when God first laid her on my heart. I
always prayed for her when I was snuggled in my own cozy bed,
knowing she was lying in her poor little bed. I prayed earnestly that God
would bring her home to us. I always prayed that she was warm. It was
a very cold spring that year, and the heat had been turned off in all the
buildings. We are having a very cool fall this year, and once again they
have absolutely no heat in any of the buildings. The heating system is
being replaced, but nobody knows when it will be finished. Pray for
Katya as she sleeps tonight. Pray that she is warm, and that she feels
Jesus' presence with her. And please pray that she will not feel
abandoned. It was not easy for her to understand and accept the fact
that I could not stay with her or at least near her.