Katya's Story
In order to truly understand the frightening experience we went through in October of 2008, you will need to read our story from the beginning to the end. Each email was written at the time it was actually happening. Our current situation is that we now have guardianship of Katya, she is living with us at home in Kiev, and we have started the one year long adoption process. Click the links in order to read each section of Katya's story.
Day Six - Tears are Streaming
October 12, 2008
This email includes:
- Visiting Katya in the Orphanage
- A Conversation with Katya
- Why have a new dorm?
- Tears are streaming
- A Love she can't Comprehend
- Plans
VISITING KATYA IN THE ORPHANAGE from Judy
Mike, Sammie, Sammie's friend Lydia Babb, and I traveled to the
orphanage yesterday to visit Kate. We walked around the campus for a
while, looking for her. One of the kids evidently found her and told her
we were there, because she came running. I unleashed our black and
tan Cocker Spaniel, Lucy, who bolted toward Kate, lofted into the air,
and bowled Katya right over in her excitement to see her! She gave
Kate's face a quick lick as she lay on the ground and then tore off,
afraid of being captured by the gathering crowd of kids. Cute moment.
It was great to see Katya again, to be able to hug her tight. It is always
a little awkward outside, because so many kids want to be near us,
talking to us and holding our hands. We decided to go to Katya's dorm.
Mike and I got to spend about an hour with Katya alone in her room, till
the nanny (for loss of a better word) shooed us out so she could go to
lunch. Mike used Kate's desk chair, and I sat on the bed with Katya
between my legs, holding her body close to mine. I felt like I couldn't get
enough of her! Katya laughed at my bear-tight hold on her, and snuggled
in. The electricity was off, so it was dim and cold in the room.
It was good to talk to Katya and find out about her days, but the more
we talked the sicker Mike and I became to our stomachs and in our
spirits. Katya reveals things so innocently and without a trace of
complaint -- just states things (and accepts them) the way they are.
A CONVERSATION WITH KATYA
For instance, I found a thick bathrobe in her bed drawer. "They gave you
a bathrobe to wear?" I asked. "This is really nice!"
"Yes. I sleep in it at night over my pajamas to keep warm."
"Does it keep you warm?"
"Not really, but it helps."
"How is the food, Kate?"
"I'm getting a little tired of soup. We've had it every time except for once
when we had gretchka (boiled buckwheat)."
"What's in the soup?"
"There are potatoes every time."
"Have you had any meat since you got here?"
"Not really. Sometimes there are little sausage pieces in the soup."
"What is there to eat besides the soup?"
"A piece of bread and a cup of tea. But I don't drink my tea, because a
water pipe broke, and now the water isn't very clean. I started feeling
sick after drinking the tea, so now I don't drink it anymore."
Friends, Mike and I have never felt so close to committing a crime. We
wanted to grab our girl and run. But where??
"Katya, are you hungry all the time?"
"Kind of. But there are some apple trees nearby, and the people don't
mind if we eat them." Thank the Lord for His provision of apples!
The more we learned, the worse we felt. The fact that Katya had been
placed in the beautiful new dorm had been such a comfort to us! We
had envisioned her sitting on the bed in her pretty room, reading a book
in her free time, doing homework at her nice desk ... Wrong! They
LOCK the dorm after the girls leave for breakfast and don't open it up
and let them come in again till after supper.
"What time is supper, Kate?"
"Around 8:00 or 8:30. By the time we get back, we are tired and
basically just go to bed."
WHY HAVE A NEW DORM ??
They shut off the electricity to the new dorm during the day, therefore
we had an explanation of why there was no electricity yesterday.
Yesterday was Saturday, and the girls were not allowed to hang out in
their dorm. The nanny let our family come in if she was there, but if she
had to leave for some reason, we had to go too. At one point, she did let
some girls come in to gather their laundry. I'd heard that the new dorm
had washing machines, so I was excited to think that the girls wouldn't
have to hand wash their clothes. Wrong again. They sat on a hill
together by an outdoor spicket and scrubbed their clothes in the cold
water, wringing them out with freezing, red hands. Yesterday was a
brisk fall day. They did their laundry with winter coats on.
Mike and I needed to use the bathroom. There are two brand new
bathrooms in the dorm -- four showers in each, and 5 or 6 bathroom
stalls. They are as beautiful as everything else in that dorm -- except
one bathroom was completely locked. In the open bathroom, every stall
door was locked except one ... and that toilet ran and didn't flush. Katya
ran for a pack of Kleenexes that we thankfully had stuck in that first
day. "You'll need these," she said. So we discovered that toilet paper is
not provided.
Mike said, "Kate, I can't see a thing. It's pitch dark in here!"
"Oh," she exclaimed. "I'll open the door to the shower room." There
were windows in there, so the light from them dimly lit the bathroom if
you left your stall door open.
Yesterday, all of the classroom buildings were locked, so basically, the
children are forced allowed either to stay outside or go to the old dorm
where there is a lounge area with a TV. A nanny was there watching TV
with the children. Guess what they were watching? MTV. The kids were
singing along and trying to copy the suggestive dance moves. I felt sick
to my stomach. Katya said, "Don't worry, Mom. I leave when they start
watching music TV. It's gross."
We gave Katya Sammie's cell phone, so we now have a direct link to
her. "This will be better, Mom. I always had to talk to you on Ludmilla's
phone, and she was always in the room. I know she understands a lot
of English, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings when I talked to you.
She has been so good to me. Mom, I have missed our family and home
SO much. It's been really hard. I have cried every night when I go to
bed."
TEARS ARE STREAMING
Friends, my tears are streaming as I write this. It was terrible to say
goodbye this time -- even for a day. We asked permission to take her
home with us, since I will be back with Doug on Monday. They refused.
Other kids can leave for the weekends, but they are not in Katya's
situation. We understand, but we thought we'd at least try.
Katya really cried this time when we said goodbye. We did, too. It broke
our hearts to see her standing there alone, sadly waving goodbye. This
is just so wrong. I called her on her cell phone while we could still see
her to assure her that this time we are as close as a phone call. She
called at least 5 times during the next two hours! And we got to say
goodnight at bedtime.
I called Katya this morning and was happy to hear her in good spirits.
Katya loves to work, and she was helping a neighbor lady work in her
garden. "Mom! You should see the size of the beet I just pulled up! And
here are some beautiful carrots!" She was pulling beets and cutting their
tops off. They were also pulling carrots and potatoes and picking beans
and corn.
We chatted while she worked. Yesterday, we got pieces but today I had
her tell me her daily schedule. They get up at 8:00 AM, clean their
room, and go to breakfast by 8:30. The dorm is locked behind them.
They eat soup, bread, and tea. School starts at 9:00. They get one
cracker type cookie during the second period. They have classes all
day and finish at 3:00. They have lunch around 3:30 -- soup, bread, and
tea. They have free time till 6:00, when they go back to their classroom
to do homework -- 6:00 to 7:00 PM. They have another break until
supper which is at 8:00 or 8:30 -- soup, bread, and tea. They get to go
back to their dorm and go to bed around 9:00.
Katya was excited this morning. She got the news that their dorm would
be open for the whole day ... AND they had a thicker soup/stew for
breakfast that even had some little pork pieces in it.
We understand that this orphanage gets very little money from the
government to cover their expenses -- thus the lack of variety in their
menu, conserving electricity in the dorms, and the lack of luxuries like
toilet paper (truthfully, I don't understand that one. What are the little
kids to do??) But what kills us is the fact that when they do get
something nice like that new dorm, they try so hard to protect it that
they don't USE it. There is a gorgeous kitchen in that dorm complete
with a stove and a brand new table with a dozen chairs. Do they use it?
I doubt it. Hopefully they will have cooking classes there eventually. It's
much nicer than the little kitchen we installed in a classroom (a gift from
the Prairie Home Vacation Bible School). I guess our worker was wise
in having us buy only those little burners that you set on a counter. He
said, "These are what the kids will use in their future." If we'd have
bought a stove as planned, they might not have used it! It have been too
nice!
Mitsubishi is in the process of building another large dorm for the boys.
We are thrilled to see it happening, but will they get to use it?
Friends, we were so disturbed by our visit yesterday and the renewed
pain of saying goodbye. It was MUCH harder this time. Katya wanted to
come home so badly. She was homesick. I have cried buckets since
we left her this time. My heart is so torn. And it's not just for Katya. It's
for all of them. Lord willing, our baby will come home soon. But the rest
of them will stay. And they will continue to wash their clothes outside in
cold weather. And eat soup for most meals. And continue to be locked
out of the beautiful rooms that were made for them. And go without toilet
paper if they don't have their own.
A LOVE SHE CAN'T COMPREHEND
Katya shared another story with me on the phone today. When she got
to go back to her room after supper, the nanny had a talk with her. She
told Katya that we don't really love her. We already have three of our
own children -- why would we want a Ukrainian child? She went on to
say that we are only adopting because it's cheap here.
Katya, who knows a thing or two about Ukrainian adoption by now
said, "Why do you think it's cheaper? I think it costs more!"
"Well, after they adopt you, they'll never let you see your mother again.
And what kind of a mother would give up her rights, anyway? But your
family doesn't really love you. They just want to have someone to pick
on. You wait and see what happens after the adoption."
Katya said, "Mom, it made me so mad! I told her, 'You don't know my
family. You don't know anything about them! They have taught me to
love Jesus and others. We love each other.'"
The nanny replied, "Well, we'll just have to wait and see."
I asked, "Katya, you didn't believe a word she said, did you? Let me just
assure you that we love you to pieces because Jesus gave you to us.
We are all crying today because we miss you SO much. In fact, we just
couldn't go to church today. We needed to stay home as a family and
pray for you."
"I didn't believe her, Mom. She doesn't know us."
"Katya, that's right. She doesn't know our love ... because she's never
HAD that kind of love. She doesn't know the kind of love that comes
from Jesus. I'm coming tomorrow, Kate, and I will take care of you for
three days. Maybe we'll be able to show her what kind of love we have."
PLANS
The dental team is not going as planned for these three days, but Doug
Stoddard is going tomorrow, and he knows the English teacher from the
public school in Komorvka. She is the wife of the mayor of the village.
They live in a modest "hata" (hut) with an outdoor toilet, so he thinks
she might be a little embarrassed of their living conditions, but he thinks
she will let me stay with them. It is across the street from the
orphanage. I'm SO glad I'm going. I hope I can stay all three days. I
need to take care of our girl! Katya says that much of the food we left for
her yesterday has been stolen. I'm afraid we can't blame them. I told her
not to worry about it. I'm coming tomorrow. Mike will continue to get
documents and teach in Kiev. Our guardianship meeting is still planned
for Thursday, October 16. Keep praying!
I just went into Katya's room and noticed a little devotional journal lying
on her desk. I opened to her last entry. The verse she'd chosen to write
from her reading was Ps. 119:105 -- "Your Word is a lamp for my feet
and a light on my path." Then she wrote a little prayer: "Dear God,
thank you for being in control of my life." Love, Kate
Our hope comes from the Lord!