Katya's Story
In order to truly understand the frightening experience we went through in October of 2008, you will need to read our story from the beginning to the end. Each email was written at the time it was actually happening. Our current situation is that we now have guardianship of Katya, she is living with us at home in Kiev, and we have started the one year long adoption process. Click the links in order to read each section of Katya's story.
Day Three - Her Empty Room
October 9, 2008
This email includes:
- Short Term Pain, Long Term Relationships;
- We Prayed for Irina;
- Fear of Foreigners; - Surprise Inspection;
- The Blonde; - The Dash for Documents;
- Phone Call to Kate; - A Mother's Love;
- Prayer Requests
SHORT TERM PAIN, LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS
We see evidence that we are being covered by your prayers -- like the
Lord keeping us calm yesterday and stilling our tongues from using
harsh or demanding words. We didn't even mention the broken promise
that Katya would not be taken away.
This morning Ivan said that he lay awake last night, thinking through the
day and wondering if he could have done anything differently to produce
a different outcome. He honestly did not think so, and Mike and I
agreed. We discussed how surprisingly calm we all were yesterday,
even during times we didn't feel calm inside. We recognized the hand of
God. We know that many of you are praying fervently for wisdom and
protection for us.
Had we resorted to being bold and demanding yesterday, we might have
gotten our own way for now, but we would have hurt relationships in the
process. In hindsight, we are thankful that we were gentle. We came
away from all of our meetings with good relationships. We are going
through some short term pain right now, but we think it will reap long
term benefits. We will meet up with all of these people again when we
go through the adoption process. If we'd have come on really strong, the
authorities might have had a desire to put us in our place later ... or they
may have determined that we would not be a good parents with which to
place Katya permanently. We really thank God for answered prayer in
giving us a strong sense that we should remain calm and gentle, even
during the times we felt helpless and protective.
WE PRAYED FOR IRINA
Before we left for our meetings this morning, Mike and I prayed
specifically that God would lead us to a person in our region's Children's
Social Services who would really listen and care about our situation. We
even prayed that it would be a woman (for her maternal instincts.) God
answered that prayer.
Our appointment was with kind and compassionate Irina who listened to
our story ... and cared. She told us that the director of Children's Social
Services in Chernigov (the man we'd met with yesterday) had written a
letter to them after our meeting. He told them about our situation and
informed them that we'd be meeting with them today. He'd made a
notation at the end of the letter, encouraging them to help us if they
could.
Irina was so caring and understanding that my tears came when we told
about having to leave Katya in the orphanage last night. She looked
through the documents we already have, then helped Ivan make a list of
all the documents we still need to obtain for guardianship. We have over
half of them, but there were still at least 10 to get.
FEAR OF FOREIGNERS
Irina then called her supervisor, the director of Children's Services for our
region in Kiev, who was definitely NOT as sweet spirited as she. The
director was at home, because she was sick. Irina explained our
situation, and it was discouraging to hear the director's loud voice
screeching negative things on the other end of the line. Irina smiled
apologetically when she hung up, knowing we'd heard much of their
conversation. Her supervisor was afraid about dealing with foreigners
and insisted that we'd have to attain guardianship in Chernigov.
To clarify, today's meeting was with Children's Social Services for our
region in Kiev. Yesterday's meeting was with Children's Social Services
in Chernigov, Katya's former region. So the Kiev director wanted us to
apply for guardianship in Chernigov. What she did not know (nor did we
tell her) was that the director of Children's Social Services in Chernigov
told us yesterday that they would NOT give us guardianship. They said
we'd have to attain it through our own region. They, too, were afraid of
dealing with foreigners.
THE BLONDE
Not all channels were closed to us. We went to an office building about
a block from our apartment and met with the head of the council that
votes to give guardianship. This gal was really something -- a bleached
blonde, capable, tough, straight to the point, not highly swayed by
emotions. I didn't dare shed a tear with this girl. I was afraid she'd view it
as a sign of weakness! She listened to Mike tell our situation with one
ear, glancing through our documents at the same time. We didn't have a
clue what she was thinking. But then she changed. She leaned back in
her chair and just looked at us for a bit, like she was sizing us up. And I
believe she gave us her approval.
The bold blonde discussed a few things with Ivan. then picked up the
phone and called someone. To our surprise, we heard a familiar,
screechy voice on the other end. She had called the director of Social
Services -- Irina's supervisor! Our blonde advocate was evidently
Screechy Voice's superior, because she explained our situation and
said that we needed to get our documents in order quickly. She told
Screechy Voice to help us with them if needed. How ironic!
THE DASH FOR DOCUMENTS
We thanked this gal so gratefully when she got off the phone, and in her
crisp, no nonsense way she said, "Don't thank me. This does not
depend on me. It depends on you." She turned to Ivan, "You're the
lawyer. You have a job to do. You've got to get the rest of the
documents gathered by next Thursday. If you do, the council will vote
concerning guardianship."
Ivan is SO good at gathering documents. He's been running from place
to place all day. Even Mike's dad in Omaha, NE, is on the dash for
documents. Tomorrow he will drive to Lincoln, NE, to get our last year's
original Income Tax form specially notorized (an apostille) for
international acceptance. He'll mail it to us by way of a delivery
company that can rush it here -- maybe DHL. It is interesting that a
copy of this form is not acceptable, and an apostille can only be gotten
in a state capital.
So many documents, so little time! But it is exciting to see everything
coming together. If all goes well and the council votes "yes" to name
Mike Katya's guardian, we can possibly have her back home in a couple
weeks.
PHONE CALL TO KATE
I talked to Katya today on Ludmilla's cell phone at the end of her school
day. Ludmilla said that everything was going well and that Katya's
attitude was wonderful. When I asked Katya how she was, she said
brightly, "Actually, Mom, I'm doing great!"
I asked her about school, friends, and language. She is having fun with
the other kids. She really enjoys rooming with the older girls. She's
doing ok with the language, but reading in Ukrainian was really
frustrating because she can't do it. Everything else in school went
ok. "Mom, they're really nice. You don't actually have to pay attention
all the time. You can draw when they are giving directions or reading
stories and stuff."
Oh, that made me chuckle. We've had to remind Kate dozens of times
to pay close attention when someone is giving directions, "Katya, we
want you to put your pencil down and listen with both ears."
I encouraged Katya to really enjoy her time out of the city -- with friends
to be with all day long. We don't want her to feel guilty for having fun --
to feel like she is betraying us by enjoying her time. She said she
misses us and hopes to come home soon, but thankfully she's not
missing us to the point of being sad. Not yet. I am very happy that she
is having this chance to use her Ukrainian language again -- even
reading and writing it. Katya said she did get cold last night -- and
asked if I would bring the thick fleecy blanket she got from St. Lawrence
Church's missionary closet when we come.
A MOTHER'S LOVE
We sure miss Kate. It is quiet in our home without her -- too quiet.
When I walk into her empty room , my heart hurts the same way it did
after Mandie left -- except Katya is little. It feels very wrong to have her
gone. She needs us. And we need her.
Speaking of need, there was a moment in the orphanage that spoke
loudly of the basic need of every child -- a mother. Jenya and the other
Katya were in the room when I was unpacking Kate's bag into her
drawers. We got out her snuggly jammies and carefully put them under
her pillow. We placed jeans and shirts in the drawers under her bed,
and decided which bedstand drawer to use for toiletries and which to
use for underwear and socks. We placed a brand new bottle of
shampoo on the shelf with her unwrapped bar of soap, and we laid her
Bible where it would be handy, talking all the time.
I looked up. Jenya and Katya were watching Kate and me with looks
that contained a mixture of wonder and desire. Their gazes stated
plainly that their mothers hadn't been there to unpack their things or to
lovingly help them settle into their rooms. My heart cried, "Oh, mothers!
Where are you?" for Jenya and Katya. I got up and gave them each a
special mother hug. I sure wish I could have stayed at the orphanage for
a while with Kate. I'd have really enjoyed spending some time alone with
her -- and with those older girls.
PRAYER REQUESTS
Now our main prayer requests are for:
1. Katya in the orphanage
2. Us to get all the necessary documents before the guardianship
council meets next Thursday.
3. Mike as he is really tired from all the running in the midst of teaching.
4. Luke, Sammie, and I have doctor check-ups tomorrow to prove that
we are healthy. Pray that we are!
Thank you again for your prayers and for the many notes of
encouragement. It has been wonderful to hear from so many of you.
You've been a blessing to us.
May God bless all of you,
Judy for the family